The next time you get your staff together for a meeting, be careful about who you look at. Without uttering a single word, you just might send the wrong message, alienate people, and damage your credibility in the process.
“In a meeting, I can tell in two minutes which employees the manager likes more,” says Carol Kinsey Goman of Kinsey Consulting Services, a speaker and executive coach and the author of The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work. “They’re the ones the manager makes eye contact with, or leans into when they’re speaking.
“If you’re leading a group and want it to operate as a team, you’ve got to make eye contact with everyone. If you want them to know you’re listening to them, nod your head and lean toward them. At so many meetings these days, we’re too busy looking at our Blackberries, and at that moment, you’ve told whoever is speaking that you’re no longer interested in what they have to say.”
Subconscious cues
That advice represents one of Goman’s many insights into body language, developed in more than 20 years of study. She says that by unconsciously relying on nonverbal cues, people form first impressions of each other within seven seconds. More than 90 percent of the messages people receive are nonverbal.
Those assertions don’t represent guesswork. Researchers at places like the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) are confirming them scientifically. In MIT’s Media Lab, researchers are using a sociometer, a badge-like device that measures face-to-face interactions by monitoring things like voice tone and body language.
“During a negotiation or a hiring, they could determine within a few minutes — and without understanding the words being said — if the person was going to win the negotiation or get the job, with 80 percent accuracy,” Goman says. “In the past, we were persuaded by logical reasoning that if we just found the right words, we could successfully lead a team. But research shows that approach is flawed.”
Body speaks volumes
So why is that important for managers and employees? Because nonverbal cues, intentional or not, can sabotage teams and discredit leaders. Something as simple as how you sit in a chair may say more than anything that words can convey. “I’ve seen leaders who actually turn their legs or their entire bodies away from people they don’t like on their team,” Goman says. “The cold shoulder is not just metaphorical. It’s amazing what our bodies are telling others about how you feel about members of your team.”
The difficult part is that many managers are unaware of what they’re doing. Some people cross their arms because they feel more comfortable that way, or maybe the room is cold. Or a supervisor may have injured a knee or back and has to face a certain way to minimize the pain. In any event, it helps at least to be aware that your posture may be mistaken for something you don’t intend, Goman says.
Managers also can learn from watching employees’ nonverbal cues. For instance, when someone “mirrors” your posture — leans back when you lean back — they’re indicating a positive connection with you. On the other hand if an employee in a performance review makes too much or too little eye contact or blinks rapidly, that may signal deception.
An employee who leans back in a chair or crosses his arms or legs may be expressing disagreement. (Or maybe she just has a pulled muscle and feels more comfortable sitting that way.) “It’s tricky,” Goman says. “Someone might be anxious not because they’re dishonest, but because they heard a rumor that they’re going to get fired. Good managers figure it out instinctively. They probe deeper to see what’s going on.”
Watch your step?
Armed with this knowledge, must managers and supervisors walk on eggshells at all times, fearful that their next wayward glance will send the wrong message? Not quite, Goman says. With training and coaching, managers have acquired many new skills, like speaking without seeming sexist or discriminatory.
“Look at all the other skills they’ve developed,” she says. “Being aware of body language is just another tool in your toolbox that can give you a tremendous advantage.
“You need to take it little by little. That’s why coaching helps. If you have a problem on your team, but you don’t know why, there may be a glitch that’s impeding success. But usually, a small, quick fix helps your body language become more congruent with the message you want to deliver.”
Sometimes, the problems are obvious. Goman recalls a CEO of a major oil company who traveled to a refinery to speak directly to employees at a time when the company was going through a tumultuous change in management. So far so good.
But the executive showed up wearing a designer suit, with a white shirt, power tie and flashy cufflinks. He walked to the podium carefully, trying to avoid any contact with dirty machinery. Then he took off an expensive watch, set it on the podium and told the employees, all in flame-retardant safety suits, “I’m happy to be here today.”
Goman observes, “The way he dressed and walked said, ‘I’m a very busy man, I don’t like dirty places and I have exactly 20 minutes to talk to you.’ If you were a worker, what would you believe? His words or his body language? We queried workers later, and they weren’t at all convinced about what he said.”
A visual future
Recognizing nonverbal cues will be increasingly important as technology brings to life things such as life-size video conferencing. “We’re getting to be very visual about things, especially with international or virtual teams that never meet in person,” Goman points out. “This technology is coming soon to corporations as it becomes less expensive. With it, there’ll be no more hiding behind a desk. You’re going to be face to face much more than you ever expected.”
Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D., operates Kinsey Consulting Services in Berkeley, Calif. Visit www.ckg.com.
